Poetry Prompt

You think truth cannot be verbose?

Perhaps, it can’t

But it’s not – yes or no

Perhaps, truth cannot be verbalized at all

But we still feel it, don’t we – in our bones?

February, 2019

According to Buddhism, unhappiness stems from trying to change circumstances over which we have no control. I think it’s time to practice some healthy renunciation.

I can feel depression creeping up again. The last I was depressed was back in 2015.

It’s probably the nicotine interfering with my mood stabilizers.

The good bit is that I have learnt more ways to externalize my emotions. I can now sing throaty sad songs out of tune while I play my ukulele. Nearing a year since I started playing, 10 months to be precise. Very happy with my progress on that end. Atleast my numbskulled persistence leads to some good. Music therapy is definitely legit.

Also got diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder after a year of being on a cocktail of medicines and different stages of anxiety diagnoses. Maybe it’s co-morbid. Maybe I’m just BPD. Had to literally pester the diagnosis out of my psychiatrist. Gives me a lot of peace of mind to know what’s wrong with me. Although I’m not sure if I agree with the concept of personality disorders. I feel like it’s a construct to describe individuals who do not display socially conforming behavior.

Sure, I have trouble regulating my emotions but why does that have to be a disorder? I feel intensely. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’m supposed to restart therapy. Let’s see how that goes.

Yep. That’s pretty much it. Here, song –

-Anugacchati Pravaha-

Semi-colon

I think too much, I am told

As I begin to edge past creeping sadness

A conversation over

Why people wear masks

for faces

beginning to get me low

Some days my thoughts

weigh so heavy

I can barely get out of bed

I can barely get out of my head

– Everything is monochrome –

Life is

how life is

how life is

Lotus, where are you?

Life like — an unalome.