07081991

Are you shape-shifting or am I hallucinating?

 

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January, 2018.

Head won’t stop reeling. Can’t really stop crying.

Don’t trust anybody. Don’t trust anything. Can’t consume new media. Can’t consume any media. Don’t believe the newspapers. Don’t trust timestamps. Wow.

Why do I remember you everywhere?

Funny, I can still listen to music though. Probably the only thing I am not suspicious of.

Everything seems to be repeating itself like an infinite time loop. Refuse to believe I’ve done this to myself. Is this what insanity feels like?

I haven’t felt normal in months. I need to feel normal. Fix yourself, head. This is beyond pathetic. Seriously. What is this even?

Make it stop. Please.

 

Blogoversary.

I completed a decade of pouring my heart out online, a few months ago. Five years of verbal diarrhoea. Five years of word economy. I couldn’t stop if I wanted to. Thank you for keeping me alive.

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Coolth

Dear young people of today,

I cannot keep up

with your constant beer drinking

ganja smoking

selfish sublimating

there are kids dying of hunger

a couple hundred feet from you

do the fuck something

                      get out of your own heads.
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:)

Cannot begin to explain the joy of being able to listen to all of this old music without breaking into a panic attack sitting in your chair, in your own house.
Also how nice to have real friends instead of manipulative mindfucks.

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poshlost

P_20170814_045805
Here we sit,
huddled side by side
halfway up the sky
watching the darkness of the dawn
fade into day
with nothing to say-

 

 

(Also, indomitable urge to run.)

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sentimentality

Broken things are broken

“Leave broken things alone.

Once broken they cannot be fixed..”

-I hear, while gathering scattered china-bone –

 

Toppled my teacup off the ‘sil

I wanted to see the rain

Trying to push the curtain aside

forgot to notice the window pane.

 

Untimely pieces scattered on the floor

I should have just let it be

Instead I picked up the pieces

& glued it carefully back

I guess, it reminded me

             ..  of me.

 

PS. Fell asleep with my headphones on last night. So, just like old times. But I think I finally made some progress today. After spending the entire morning second-guessing myself. I am beginning to grow very tired of this regression.

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I am somewhere between 12, 15 and 23 mentally right now. I looked too far back in all this memory-searching and lost myself. Repression is a coping mechanism afterall. This too shall pass. =)

Finally worked up the mettle to read my very first blog, a couple days back. Angry twelve year old typing out inanities. Still me, though. Still me. Had a hard time getting past the sms language. Had forgotten just how gay I used to be. Still am, somewhat.

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