Category Archives: Anxiety

Bluest of blues-

The sheer futility of dying is a major deterrent. And the fact that I won’t even get a newspaper obituary.

I think I feel agony. It is the only word that comes closest to describing how I feel. Dog-welp agony. Haven’t felt this way in a long time.

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SSRI

Why isn’t anything helping?

Erase. Delete. Backspace.

I should listen to other people more often. Be less stubborn.

Mind is still imagining things. Wish I could clench my eyes tight enough and will this unreality away. Get mind to function again. Beginning to grow very tired of this old routine.

Dear Head,

This can only end badly for you.

This will only end badly for you.

Be stronger. You are letting yourself go. It’s not worth it. It’s not worth it.

(Wish I had a cigarette though.)

07081991

Are you shape-shifting or am I hallucinating?

 

January, 2018.

Head won’t stop reeling. Can’t really stop crying.

Don’t trust anybody. Don’t trust anything. Can’t consume new media. Can’t consume any media. Don’t believe the newspapers. Don’t trust timestamps. Wow.

Why do I remember you everywhere?

Funny, I can still listen to music though. Probably the only thing I am not suspicious of.

Everything seems to be repeating itself like an infinite time loop. Refuse to believe I’ve done this to myself. Is this what insanity feels like?

I haven’t felt normal in months. I need to feel normal. Fix yourself, head. This is beyond pathetic. Seriously. What is this even?

Make it stop. Please.